Something Real

This blog post is about an emotional conversation between a young lady and I. The young lady from the interview is extremely bright, she is strong, she is brave, she is determined, most of all she is admirable. She was an honor student in high school and an athlete, not different from your everyday American teenager. She is currently enrolled in college and has big dreams for her future. When you look at this young lady you would never imagine her to be undocumented. She fits none of the stereotypes of "illegal", but her story is not unique, these so-called "illegals" are quite often children or young adults brought here at very young ages. The young lady from the interview is by far one of the strongest people I have met, she pushes past the difficult situation she is in as she works and hopes for a better tomorrow. She knows what is best for herself and she knows what she wants for her future, she is independent and strong, here this is her story:

(me): Let's begin with the simple questions, how old were you when your parents brought you here?

(interviewee): I was just an infant.

(me): And do you know the whole story of how you got here, or the whole story of your situation"

(interviewee): No, no one ever tells me everything that I want to know, so I don't even know like how exactly I got here.

(me): So when did you find out that you are undocumented?

(interviewee): Well, we were going to LA to visit my uncle, and I think I was in middle school. Before we left my mom started getting really worried and was telling me to say my name was something else and that I was born at some hospital and all this stuff if anyone asked me anything. So I just figured it out on my own, everything just kind of clicked and I realized why she was telling me all this. But no one ever actually sat me down and talked about it.

(me): How did you feel when you realized it?

(interviewee): I was really confused.

(me): When did you realize the severity of it all?

(interviewee): I think it was my freshman year, I started thinking about what it would be like when I got older, when i turned like 17 or 18 and all the things I wouldn't be able to do. It was everything from not going to a rated "R" movie, to driving, to college. I wouldn't be able to do any of it.

(me): Tell me a little about your life, about your daily struggles.

(interviewee): It is really frustrating because you just have to constantly lie, you have to lie non-stop all the time to everyone you know. You have to be telling lie after lie making sure they are consistent, and that you tell everyone the same thing. You just lay in bed at night thinking about all your lies and how to keep building off of them, how to make them sound convincing, making sure they make sense so that no one will question them. It is strange because sometimes you even begin to believe your own lies because you are constantly thinking about them. It is weird because some days you wake up and don't realize that you are illegal and everything is fine and happy, but then when you do realize it you get really sad and it is just really hard.

(me): What about life with your friends, want to talk about that? Do any of them know?

(interviewee): Only two friends know, it is just really hard because that is a lot of pressure to put on someone, and I just don't want to tell them and have them treat me different. I don't want it to come in the way of our friendship, I also get scared that they could use it against me if ever we got in a fight or something. It is just really hard though because whenever they want to do something or go somewhere like a casino or even just a rated "R" movie I can't go, and I just have to make up lies about why I don't have an ID or a birth certificate I can use.

(me): What about school? Does it make life easier or harder?

(interviewee): Both. School makes it easier because it gives me something to do since I can't work. I want to go to school anyway, I want to graduate from college so I am glad I get to go to school thanks to the DREAM Act in California. It is also better because I get an ID from school, so I have some sort of identification to carry. But at the same time it is hard because I don't drive so I have to get dropped off and people ask me why I don't drive. Also I can't get financial aid and people always tell me to get it and ask why I don't have it. I wish I could get it, but the state won't help because that part of the DREAM Act didn't pass. I understand why, and I am fine with it, I mean I don't think it should have to pass, but at the same time I just feel bad for people like me because it isn't like we chose this life you know? And I know I can try to get private scholarships and stuff but  it is always through some groups like La Raza and they want you to join them and I just don't want to be filling out any paper work or anything. It is weird but I just don't want a paper trail of me anywhere, I just get scared.

(me): Any other difficulties in your everyday life that you want to talk about?

(interviewee): Well when you are around other people you just have to be really cautious all the time, you have to learn how to read people, you have to watch every word you say, every move you make, every friend you pick. You just have to constantly watch people, it makes it hard to make new friends because I just don't want to have one more person to lie to or to worry about. You are just always thinking about other people and how the things those people do can affect you and what you do, you have to make sure you are not doing stupid things or risky things with risky people because you don't want to get in trouble.

(me): So you are over 18 right? How does that affect your situation?

(interviewee): Yes, and it is a lot worse for me now that I am older because everyone else around me is doing things I can't do but they expect me to do them because they don't know. They are always asking me questions and it is hard to keep making up lies for why I can't do those things they do. It makes me mad though when I see people my age who don't do anything but they can, it just bothers me because I wish I could do things like work, and people just take it for granted. I hate that people think I am just lazy, I don't want to look lazy, but there is nothing I can do about it, I can't drive, I can't work, and I can only go to certain schools.

(me): And you have a younger sibling right?

(interviewee): Yes, a younger sister, but she was born here so she can do all the things I can't and that makes my situation worse. It makes me look bad because she can drive and work but I can't, so it makes me look even more lazy. I get mad at her because she doesn't even appreciate what she has, she doesn't care about the opportunity she has to do something with her life. It is difficult to see all the things she can do but I can't.

(me): How do you cope with this burden on a daily basis?

(interviewee): Well I use sarcasm a lot, that way people never can tell if I am being serious or joking and they just kind of laugh everything off. It is helpful at avoiding those difficult questions people ask. Also I realized that I have like developed this OCD kind of thing, or like ritual activities I do, I need things done in a certain way and if something throws it off then I might decide not to go out and do something that day because I worry that it was a bad sign that something bad might happen if I go out. It seems so strange but it is like it gives me some say or something, it is weird but I always do it. It is like a way that I express my anxiety or something, I don't know.

(me): If you fix your situation, or rather, when you fix your situation, any chance you will help other people like yourself?

(interviewee): I know this sounds horrible to say, but I don't want anything to do with this after it is over. And maybe people won't understand this but I just live with it everyday I don't think I could face it everyday after it is over. It is sad but I try to make sure I am not in the sun too long so I don't get darker, and I don't want to know Spanish because people think I should, I don't care that people think I am Filipino because I actually would rather have them think that, I don't want to embrace my Mexican-ness. I don't want to do all those things because it just draws more attention to me and then people think that because I am Mexican that I am illegal, I just want to be under the radar, I don't want to appear illegal. I hide a vaccine shot I got in Mexico because everyone knows when they see it that I am Mexican. I just want to escape this whole part of my life, when it ends I want to forget it, I would do anything to fix it, but I can't. It is horrible to say these things, and I don't want to say them, but I can't help it.

This amazing young woman did not choose this for herself. However, she has to carry this burden every day with the fear of making one wrong move. She knows the severity of her situation, she knows she has very limited options at this point, and can only continue moving forward with hopes that changes will soon arise. It is a tragedy that she has been forced to separate herself from her cultural roots to avoid unwanted attention. The even greater tragedy is this story is not rare, she is the face of countless other young people in this country who carry the same secret with them daily. These are the people that we categorize as criminal, that we see as financial burdens on our country, that we should deport, that we feel threatened by. We are bombarded with images and ideas of "illegals" as greedy rule breakers who have no respect for the law or others, we never get to see undocumented persons as anything but criminal. This is not a problem of our country being flooded with illegals who break through the border, but rather a problem of governmental failure to address long-standing issues with our immigration policies. This affects human life on a daily basis and we need to take notice and push for change, the majority of undocumented persons are not criminals, we need to open our eyes, minds, and hearts to see the truth. The only difference between you and this young lady is that you were fortunate enough to be born on this side of the fence and given a nine digit number that allows you all the privileges and opportunities you could ask for.

Ask yourself, what can i do?
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Tell Me A Story

   
     There has been much talk in politics about how many undocumented students we have in public schools. There has been debate over how to handle it, and how it even came about that we have so many undocumented students enrolled in school. The Immigration Policy Center explains that approximately 65,000 undocumented students a year who finish school but cannot go to college or enter the workforce. The DREAM ACT was a possible solution to that problem, proposing that undocumented youth be granted amnesty if they were brought into this country illegally as a child, with the stipulation that they attend college or join the military.
 
 Some people embraced this proposal, seeing it as a fit solution to a difficult situation. These youth broke no laws by their own accord, they were brought here as infants, toddlers, or children by parents or guardians. Some came legally with visas and just overstayed them, many of them have no idea of their situation until high school. Many of those who hoped for the DREAM ACT to pass were these undocumented youth, it was their one chance to have a life in this country. Meanwhile, some of those opposing it lacked any understanding of the situation and only saw it as amnesty for illegals, or were on the complete other side and saw it as a way of forcing Hispanic youth (and other immigrant groups) into the military.

 
 Both sides essentially ruined the entire opportunity for these undocumented youth, there were radicals on one side claiming this would open the flood gates and eventually legalize all undocumented persons. Some claiming they are all criminals and should just be deported no matter the circumstance. While on the other side we had organizations and groups like La Raza upset over the fact that these undocumented youth would have to join the service or go to college, claiming this was unjust or unfair. However neither side realized that 1). the bill was about youth who did not break the laws themselves and 2). most of these youth want nothing more than to go to school or get a steady job.
 
Neither of these positions ever stopped and took a step back from their own emotions and heated debates to ask the real people it was going to affect. They all stood with mouths wide open spewing out their opinions of how other peoples lives should be handled. I asked someone who was undocumented how he felt about this entire situation.

Interview:



(me): How do you feel about the DREAM ACT?

(interviewee): I think it was a good effort.

(me): Do you wish it had passed? Not just for your sake, but for other students who are just like you?

(interviewee): Well, of course, it is not only me in this situation, but my sister as well, and it is sad because she has an even more promising future, I would do anything to make her life easier.

(me): Tell me a little about your sister.

(interviewee): She is super smart, she has a great attitude despite her situation, she graduated with honors in high school, and she still has big dreams for her future.

(me): Do you think people really understand what it is like for people in your situation?

(interviewee): No, because they think that it is a choice, we didn't choose to come here this way, and a lot of other people didn't either. We didn't come here to take advantage, we came here for opportunity. People don't understand that even a simple jay-walking ticket or after-curfew citation could end the little freedom we have. Something that residents take for granted.

(me): Who do you blame for the DREAM ACT not passing?

(interviewee): I blame both sides. My side for making us look like radical protesting ungrateful nuisances, most of whom are people who aren't even undocumented, people who just think they are fighting for us, when they have no idea what we even want. They speak for us without even asking us. I also blame the other side for thinking that we are just criminals and should be treated as such. They think we have no desire to be successful, that we just want to take advantage of this country, or even take it back, haha.

(me): It seems like you feel like your voice was lost amid everyone else's fighting, that things are too political and not even really about the issue?

(interviewee): Yes, I would say lost, or even just that it is one of too many. I would say things did go off issue when it became a thing of race instead of allegiance. It is not like we are Mexicans wanting to be Mexicans living in America. We are Mexican Americans who want to be recognized as such, we want to be seen as Mexican-Americans, or even American-Mexicans, because there are some of us who don't even speak any Spanish.

(me): Well, that sounds pretty powerful, any last things you want to say?

(interviewee): I want everyone to stop speaking for us when they don't even bother to ask what we want and how we want it. I hope someday soon we can have another DREAM ACT and have it pass, to help all those kids out there who want nothing more than to live a fulfilling life in this great country.